【已领】HowtoCommunicate：GettingYo

　　标题：HowtoCommunicate：GettingYourPartnertoHearWhatYouSay
　　source：psychcentral丨AaronK
　　欲翻译的小伙伴，可评论领稿，并把已完成的译文贴在评论处或发在自己的心理圈内。请领稿的小伙伴，尽量在一个星期内完成翻译，谢谢！！
　　Itiscommontofeelunpreparedtocopewithmiscommunication。Whenwedon’tknowwhattodotopromoteeffectivecommunication，wehaveanunfortunatetendencytomakeupourowninterventions。ThisDIYapproachisusuallycounterproductiveandineffective。
　　Barrierstogoodcommunicationsarealwayspresent。Forinstance，thelanguageitselfcanbeabarrierunclearwording，slang，jargon，thetone。Anotherbarrieristhefailureofthesendertorealizethathisorherbodylanguagemightcontradictthespokenmessage。
　　Poorlisteningskillscanalsoconstituteabarrier。It’snoteasytolistenfully。Theenvironmentinterferes，alongwithunrelatedthoughtsaboutthespeakerandaboutdailylife。Perhapsthespeakerisdistractinglyattractive，orisn’tasarticulateasheorshemightbe，ormissesanimportantpointthatthelisteneriseagertomention。Eachofthosepossibilitiestakesthelistener’sattentionawayfromthespeaker’swords。
　　Effectivecommunicationoccurswhenyouractionsandwordsmatch。Thisrequiresanawarenessofyourfeelings，words，bodylanguage，andhowwecommunicatethemtoothers。Effectivecommunicatorstakeresponsibilityforbeingcertainthatothersunderstandwhattheyaresaying。Theyrecognizethatbarrierstogoodcommunicationsexistsotheyspeakinsimple，grammatical，andunderstandableterms。Herearesomesuggestionsonhowtocommunicatemoreeffectively：
　　Askquestions。
　　Ifthespeakerseemshesitantorstalled，askarelatedquestiontoencouragethemtocontinue。
　　“What’stheworstpartaboutit？”（repeat）
　　“Howdoesthatmakeyoufeel？”
　　”Whathappenedtomakeyouso（insertfeeling）？”
　　“Whatisthethreat？”
　　“Whatwouldyoupreferinstead？”
　　React
　　Goodcommunicatorspayattentiontothetoneofthewordsandthenonverbalcuesofthespeaker。Sometimes，thesethingsunderminetheactualmeaningsofthewordsthemselves。
　　Forinstance，someonemightbetellingyouthatheorsheisnotupset，butthetoneorthebodylanguagemighttellyouotherwise。Bemindfulofwhatyouaresayingwithyourtone，posture，handgestures，headpositioning，eyecontact，breathing，facialexpressionsandmovements。
　　Nodding，smiling，laughing，frowningandverbalizing（forexample，“Isee”or“mmhmm”）showthespeakerthatyou’retunedintotheirwords。
　　Paraphrase
　　Whenthespeakerhasfinishedspeaking，rephrasekeypointsofwhattheysaid。Forexample，“Helpmeunderstand。Youaresayingis”andthenmentionanimportantpointinyourownwords。Thepurposeofparaphrasingisnotsimplytoparrotbackwhatyourpartnerhassaid，buttocreatecommunicationanddialogue。Italsoimprovesremembering！
　　Youcannotlearnanythingfromothersifyoutrytodoallthetalking。Therefore，letspeakersfinishouttheirownsentences。Don’tinterruptthemtointerjectyourownthoughts。
　　Avoidstartingsentencewith“You”and“Why”：Thesestatementsputpeopleonthedefensive。Replace“You”with“Ifeel。”andreplace“Why”with“I’mconfused。”Thesesuggestionsareassertivestatementsthatpromoteinsightintohowyouarereactingtoanother’sbehavior。
　　Avoidusing“Always”and“Never”：Thesewordsarenotliteralfacts，butarefigurativeorfeelingwords。Theyleadthelistenertoarguethefactbypointingoutexceptions，ratherthenseekunderstandingforhowyoufeelbasedontheirpatternofbehavior。Rephrasethembysaying，“Itfeellikeyoualways”or“Itfeelslikeyounever”