情感Iwasfreshmeat：howAAmeetingsp

　　标题：I：howAAmeetingspushsomewomenintoharmfuldating
　　source：theguardian丨DarlenaCunha
　　翻译请保留原文链接哦
　　欲翻译的小伙伴，可评论领稿，并把已完成的译文发在自己的心理圈or个人主页的日志内。请领稿的小伙伴，尽量在一个星期内完成翻译，谢谢！！
　　At23yearsold，AsiaBlackwoodwastheproudstayathomemotherofthreeyoungchildreninaquaintConnecticutneighborhood。Dayinanddayout，shepreparedsnacksandwatchedwithprideashertoddlerslearnedtosharewitheachotherwhileherhusbandworked。Lifewaspictureperfect。
　　Butjustunderthesurface，Blackwood’shappyhomewascrumbling。Shewasoftenexhausted，andfeltsadfornoreason。Thislistlessnessandunhappinessmadeherfeelguilty，sinceshehadnothingtocomplainabout。
　　“IwasgivenPercocettodealwiththepainafterchildbirth，”Blackwoodrecalls。“Irealizedimmediatelyhowgooditmademefeel。Itlessenedmydepressionandgavememoreenergy。”
　　Blackwood’sprescriptionranoutbeforeshewasreadysoshestartedbuyingthepillsonline，usingtheminincreasingamountsoverthenextyear。Duringthattime，shesawhowunhappyhermarriagewasanddivorcedherhusband。
　　ShemetJohn（nothisrealname），arecoveringheroinaddict，justweeksafterherdivorceandbegandatinghim。Cutofffromherhusband’screditcards，herstashofpillsdwindled。Johnintroducedhertoamuchcheaperalternative：heroin。
　　Shesoonlostcustodyofherchildrenandbecamehomelessforawhile，stillshockedthatherlifewasnowaboutfindinghernextfixinsteadoffixingherkidsdinner。
　　Afteraverydarkyear，shedecidedtomakeachange，droppedJohn，andstartedgoingtoAlcoholicsAnonymous。
　　“WhatIdidnotexpectwastobefreshmeatwhenIwalkedintoAAmeetings，”shetoldme。“Menwantedmynumberandwantedtodateme。Iwasnewlysober，cluelessandcravinglove。”
　　BlackwoodsaidshebegandatingamanwithninemonthssobrietywithinherfirstweeksatAA，andlaterfoundouthewassleepingwithdozensofotherwomeninthesamesupportgroup，manyofwhomshehadconsideredfriends。
　　Thatdiscoverywasdevastating。
　　“Itnevercausedarelapse，butitdidmakemequestionthejoyofsoberlife，andalsoconsidersuicide，”shesaid。“Theworldseemslikeareallymeanplacewhenyouaresurroundedbyunhealthypeople。”
　　Blackwood’sstoryofloveinthetimeofdrugabuseisnotunique。Womentryingtorecoverarefallingintothetrapofdatinginwhichthegoalisnotloveormutualsupport，butapowerplayinwhichtheyarethelosers。
　　ThenextAA？WelcometoModerationManagement，ttheanswer
　　Readmore
　　JoellaStriebel，abehavioralhealthspecialistatGundersenHealthSysteminWisconsin，saysthatwomenhaveadifferentpathwaytoaddictionthanmen。Torecover，theymustbelievetheyhavecontrolovertheirownlivesandcanmakedecisionsforthemselves，ratherthanadmittingpowerlessnesswhichisoneofthemaintenetsofAA。
　　Advertisement
　　“Recoveryfromaddictionismostsuccessfulwhenitisaddressingnotjusttheproblematicsubstanceusingbehaviors，buttheunderlyingissuesandpasttrauma，”shesaid。“Manywomenwhohavebeenvictimizedengageunconsciouslyinrepetitioncompulsions，seekingoutarchetypesandfamiliarsituations，andthroughthattheycanbevictimized。”
　　NooneknowsthatbetterthanAlexHankel。
　　At15yearsold，Hankel（notherreallastname）wasalreadyaddictedtodrugs。By18，shewasrunningNarcoticsAnonymousmeetingsinhercommunityinNewOrleans。“LikeIknewanydamnthing，”sherecalls。“Thegroupsaresounstructured，basicallyanythinggoes。”
　　Hankelendeduppregnantbyaman15yearsherseniorwhileinrehab。
　　Shesaidshetriedtoobservethe“oneyear”guidelineinplacethatusershaveoneyearofsobrietybeforetheystartdatingbutthatasoneoftheonlyyoungwomeninhergroups，shewasamaintargetforsexualadvances。
　　“Iwastooyoungtobenavigatingmysobrietyaroundsomanydisturbedpeople，”Hankelsaid。“Ineededamentalhealthdoctor。”
　　Haluxurymostpeoplesufferingaddictionscannotafford。ShesaidmanyofthecheaperoptionsfocusonAAastheirmajorrecoverytool，anddon’taddresstheunderlyingproblemsthatmaybecausingdestructivebehaviors。
　　Atherfacility，shewassetupwithapersonaltherapistwhopaidattentiontothespecificissuesbeneathheraddiction。Ifpeopleinrehabprogramsonlyfocusontheirdependencies，theyareonlyscrapingthesurfaceoftheproblem，paintingoverabrokendownfoundationwithoutfixingthesplinteringwoodbeneath，Hankelexplained。Withoutdelvingdowntotherootoftheproblem，itbecomesmorelikelytogrowagain。
　　Advertisement
　　AccordingtoNewYorkpsychotherapistScottWStern，whenthegeneralpopulationthinksaboutrecoveryprograms，there’snotalotofdistinctionbetweentreatmentandsupport。
　　Treatment，suchasrehabilitationandtherapy，isrunbyprofessionalswhostartwiththeirclientsfromwheretheyareandworkwiththemthroughavarietyofmedicalandpsychologicalmeanstobuildtheirautonomy，hesaid。Incontrast，supportgroupslikeAAorNAprovidemerelyapeertopeernetworkofindividualssupposedlyworkingtowardthesamegoal。
　　Suchgroupsarenotequippedtoaddressmanyofthecomplexissuesthatcomealongwithaddiction，sincethey’rerunbypeoplewhoarenottrainedasprofessionals。“Thesegroupsareplacesanyonecanwalkinto，whereanythingcouldhappen，”hesaid。
　　Inessence，anenvironmentthatistoutedasasafespacecanbeanythingbut。Fromeasieraccesstosubstancestosexualharassment，abuseorevenoutrightmurder，theseprogramscaninflictfurtherdamage。
　　Ontheotherhand，“evidencebasedgroupsarerunbytrainedfacilitatorswho，intheory，shouldbeabletorecognizepredatorybehaviorandintervene”，Striebelsaid。“Manyaregenderbased，aswell，whichfurthermitigatestherisk。”
　　WhiletherearecertainAAmeetingsthatarewomenonly，theavailabilityofthesemeetingsisscarceatbest。Hankelsaidshewasfrequentlytheonlywomaninagroupof15ormoremen，becausetherewassimplynootheroptioninherarea。
　　LeonaColn，whohasbeeninandoutofAAprogramsfordecades，saidsoutheastGeorgiahasjuststartedprovidingonewomenonlyAAmeetingaweek，comparedwiththreemenonlymeetings。Beforeacoupleyearsago，shesaid，therewerenowomenonlymeetingatall。
　　Ofcourse，AAandNAitisoneofthemostpopularrecoverygroupsintheUS。AAboastsover1。3millionmembersasof2013，butaccordingtoSternonly58actuallyrecoverlongtermwithoutrelapse。ThisnumberoriginatesfromaretiredpsychiatryprofessorfromHarvardMedicalSchool，LanceDodes，whocomparedAA’sretentionrateswithstudiesonsobrietyandratesofactiveinvolvementinthegroupmeetings。
　　Meanwhile，membersareexpectedtomovethroughtheorganization’s12stepsandacceptthedoctrineputforthbyAA。SomeofthewomenItalkedtocalledthegroupscultlike，sayingthatmembersclingtothewrittenwordintheBigBookandexcludeanyonewhomightquestionit，leavingthemalonewhentheystumbleacrosswhatiscommonlyknownas“the13thstep”thatis，whensomeonemakessexualadvancesonsomeonenewtorecovery。
　　BeinghitonatAAwasadailythingforme。Inhindsight，IrealizeIwasneverreallyabletofocusonmysobriety
　　AlexiaColon
　　Colnhasbeenaround12stepprogramssinceshewasachild，andhasexperiencedthe13thstepdozenoftimes。At14shesawhermothergothrough“90in90”，whichiswhenapersoninrecoveryattendsatleastonemeetingeverydayforthreemonths。
　　“Ididn’tlosemymothertoalcohol，IlosthertoAA，”Colnsaid。“BeingateenagerwithacutemominAAwasnotfunatall。Nokidwantstoseetheirparentdating，anyway，buttheguysfromAAbringittoawholeotherlevel。”
　　Coln’smothersoonmarriedamanshemetthroughthegroupmeetings，whohad15yearsofsobrietytohermother’soneyear，andthenewcoupleforcedColntogotomeetings，too，eventhoughshedidn’tyethaveasubstanceproblem。
　　“Theydidn’twantmetobealoneinthehouseallthetime，”shesaid。“SoIwenttomeetingsandtosoberdances。Iwasoffereddrugsthereeverysingletime。”
　　EventuallyColndidendupwithasubstanceproblem，andshehasbeentoAAasanadultonandoffthroughoutherlife，takingwhatsheneedsfromtheprogramandleavingtherest。Buttherestwon’tleaveher。
　　Advertisement
　　“IshoweduptoameetingonceinflipflopsandablackTshirt，”shesaid。“Someguyyelledout，‘Youknowwhatshe’slookingfor！’Igotinhisfaceaboutitandshamedhim。ThenIwastoldIshouldn’thavesaidanythingtohimaboutitbecausehewasnew。Butwhataboutme？Ishouldputupwiththat？”
　　Colnhasbeenmarriedformorethan25yearsandknowshowtohandleherselfaroundthegroupmembers，butsheworriesaboutherdaughter，Alexia，who’sinherearly20sandtryingtostaysober。
　　AlexiaColnsuffersfromdepression，whichshesaidshemitigatedbyselfmedicating。Whensheturned22，shedecidedtogethelp，andstartedgoingtoAAandNA。Herfirstweekthere，shemetamanwhohadfouryearssobrietyandbegandatinghim，onlytofindhimisolatingherfromherfriendsandfamily，policingthewayshedressed，andeventuallyhittingher。
　　“Hewassojealousandkeptmeonashortleash，”shesaid，“alwayspretendingitwasaboutmysobrietyandwaswhatwasbestforme。”
　　AlexiabrokeitoffandleftAA，onlytofallbackintodeepdepressionandsubstancedependency。Whenshetriedagain，monthslater，torecover，shefoundAAtobeadangerousplaceevenwithoutanabusiverelationshiptingingit。
　　“BeinghitonatAAwasadailythingforme，”shesaid。“Irelishedinit，honestly。Ilovedthatalleyeswereonmeallthetime。Inhindsight，IrealizeIwasneverreallyabletofocusonmysobriety。”
　　Shestatesthatthetypeofattentionpaidtoyoungwomenintheprogramsisdetrimentalinallways。“Everysingleoneofusisvulnerablegoingintothoserooms。Forthefirsttimeinyourlife，youthinkyou’relearningtocopewithyourfeelings。You’renothidingbehindsubstancesanymore。Andyou’respeakinginfrontofpeoplewhohugyouandtellyoutheyloveyou。Buttheydon’t。They’reinitforthemselves。”
　　LeonaColnblamesthecurrentstateofthelegalsysteminparticulardrugcourts。ShesaidthedrugcourtsinsoutheastGeorgia，wheresheandAlexiareside，mandateoffenderstogotoAAmeetings。Whenshecomplainedaboutthisprocedure，shewastoldtheycouldgotoanymeetingandtofindadifferentgroup。
　　“Buttherearenoothermeetingsherethataren’tatleastahalfhouraway，”Colnsaid。“Wordgotaroundaboutmycomplaint，andpeoplestartedquestioningAlexiaaboutit，makingthesituationevenworseforher。”
　　Sternsaidtheproblemiscompoundedwhensexoffendersgothroughthedrugcourtsandareorderedtogoto12stepmeetings，whichhesaidisafairlycommonoccurrence。
　　“Forpeoplewithcriminalrecords，it’snotuncommonthattheywillarguetheywereundertheinfluenceofsubstances，”hesaid。“NinetypercentoftreatmentfacilitiesintheUSare12stepfacilitated，too，whichmeansnomatteryourcrime，you’remostlikelygoingtoendupatAAorNA。”
　　Sternsuggeststhejudicialsystemshouldberevamped。However，theNationalAssociationofDrugCourtProfessionals（NADCP）saidthewaytheymandaterecoveryhasalreadyundergonevastchangesinrecentyears。
　　Whileit’sstillnotperfect，TerrenceWalton，theNADCP’schiefofstandards，saidthecourtsmandateprofessionaltreatmentbeforerecommendingapeersupportgrouptofacilitatelongtermrecovery。HealsosaidthatdrugcourtsnolongerspecifyAANAasthesupportgroupthatmustbeattended，aswasthecaseadecadeago。
　　“Wedon’trecommendAAtounwillingparticipantsanymorebecauseifyouforcesomeonetogotoAAorNAwithpeoplewhoarenotbeingforcedtogothere，itcanbeabadmix。Youneedtowanttoparticipateforthoseprogramstowork，”Waltonsaid。
　　Advertisement
　　RhondaPence，whoworksintheNADCP’spublicrelationsdepartment，saidit’simportanttorememberthattheirclientelearepeopletoo。“Thegoalistohelpthemputtheirlivesbacktogetherandgetthemoffdrugsforgood，”Pencesaid。“Theydeservethatchancetobecomeaproductivememberofsocietyagain。”
　　Butifdrugcourtsmandatesomeformofpeersupportgroupattendanceforthebettermentoftheirclients，and90ofthepeersupportgroupsoutthereareAANA12stepprograms，howcanweavoidwhatWaltoncalleda“badmix”ofpeople？
　　Walton，SternandStriebelallhighlyrecommendanewpeersupportoptioncalledSmartRecovery。ItissimilartoAAandNA，butdoesnotinvolvecitingpowerlessnessaspartofrecovery，anddoesnotinsistoninvokingahigherbeingtobelongtotheclub。
　　Moreimportantly，SmartRecoveryhasa24houronlineoption。Thisgreatlyhelpswomenwhodon’twanttoattendinpersonmeetingsforfearofbeingtheobjectoftoomuchattention，aswellasthosewhocan’tdrive，orlivefarawayfrommeetingspaces。
　　Theprogramencouragesmemberstobuildtheirownmotivation，findwaystocopewithurges，managebehaviorsandfeelings，andstartlivingabalancedlife。
　　“ToomanypeopleequatethepowerlessnessintheAAprogramwithhelplessness，”Sternsaid。“Throughthat，theyaccidentallytransfertheiraddictiontosubstancestoanaddictiontothesupportgroupormemberswithinit。TheonlywaytocombatthisthatIhavefoundisthroughempowerment。”
　　Asforthefourwomenwhofoundtheirrecoverymarredandfullofobstacles，they’reallfaringwell。Blackwoodisabouttogotocourttowinvisitationprivilegeswithherchildrenagain。She’sbeensoberforayearandahalf。Hankelisraisingasixyearoldgirlbyherself，whilestayingclearofdrugsandalcohol。LeonaColnhasn’tpersonallyneededtheaidofagroupinalmostfiveyears，andAlexiaisleaningonherforsupportassheforagesaheadinherownrecovery。
　　Itwasn’tthroughAAthatBlackwood，HankelandtheColnswereabletostarttheirhealthypathstorecovery。Itwasthroughtrulylearningtolovethemselves。