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We’vehearditamilliontimesbefore:“90ofcommunicationisnonverbal。” Butwhatdoesthatreallymean?Andhowcanyouusethatinformation?Weaskedtheexperts。 Whenwetalkaboutlanguage,wealmostalwaysarereferringtowordsandsentences,nouns,verbs,dependentclauses,andallthevariousthingsthatwecanwritedown。 However,humancommunicationismuchbroaderthanthatitincludesvariationsintone,emphasis,andentirelynonverbalsignalslikefacialexpressions,eyecontact(orlackthereof),andhandgestures。 Eventhedirectionyou’refacingcommunicatessomethingtoyourconversationpartner,regardlessofwhetherornotthey’retotallyawareofit。 Clearly,thereisabenefittobeingabletoreliablyread(andproject)nonverbalsignals。Sowhat’sapersontodo?Weconsultedindustryexpertsonnonverbalcommunicationfortheirbesttips。Readon。 1。UnderstandingtheFoundationsofNonverbalCommunication Humancommunicationislikeapuzzle,andthewordswespeakarejustasinglepieceofit。IfyouaskJoeNavarro,eachmovement(ornonmovement)apersonmakesinaconversationcommunicatessomething。 Bodylanguageisthekeytounderstandingpeople’srealthoughtsandfeelings。Thingslikefacialexpressions,gestures,touching,bodymovements,andvoicetoneandvolumemakeupournonverbalcommunication。 AccordingtoJoeNavarro,nonverbalcommunicationissoimportantthattwocompletestrangerswhodon’tsharealanguagecanstillbecomefriends。Hehimselfexperiencedthis:whenhefirstmigratedfromCubatotheUSattheageof8,hecouldonlyunderstandhisclassmatesbyreadingtheirbodylanguage。HeeventuallylearnedEnglish,buthemadefriendsbeforethat。 Nonverbalcuescanbemorereliablethanthespokenword。Peoplearen’talwaysawareofthenonverbalsignalstheysend,soifthey’relying,thetruthmightbehiddenintheirnonverbalcues。 Emotionalintelligenceiskeytonavigatingthesocialworld Somepeopleareuncommonlygoodatreadingbodylanguage,abletojudgeataglancewhatsomeoneisthinkingandrespondaccordingly。Theycancalmacoworkerwho’sangry,orreassureafriendwho’sanxious。 Whyarecertainpeoplesogoodatthis?IfyouaskTravisBradberryandJeanGreaves,theanswerhastodowithemotionalintelligence,orEQ。TheywroteabookaboutitcalledEmotionalIntelligence2。0。 InEmotionalIntelligence2。0,theauthorsexplainthatemotionalintelligenceistheabilitytorecognizeandunderstandyourownfeelingsandthefeelingsofothers,andinfluencethosefeelingstoyouradvantage。Apersonwho’sgoodat“reading”peoplehashighemotionalintelligence。 EQismadeupoffourdifferentelements: Selfawareness,theabilitytounderstandyourownfeelingsandbehaviors。 Selfmanagement,theabilitytokeepyourselfinsituationsinwhichyouknowyou’llbeabletobehavecorrectly。 SocialAwareness,theabilitytounderstandwhatmakespeoplefeelangry,sadorexcited,andreaditintheirbodylanguage。 Relationshipmanagement,thatis,understandinghowyourownbehavioraffectsanddeterminesthebehaviorofothersaroundyou。Thisisalsocalledempathy。 ByfocusingondevelopingthesefouraspectsofEQ,youwillbecomeamoresensitive,empathetic,andenjoyablepersontoworkwith。DevelopingyourEQwillleadtodirectbenefitsinyourcareer:accordingtotheauthorsofEmotionalIntelligence2。0,“thelinkbetweenEQandearningsissodirectthateverypointincreaseinEQadds1,300toanannualsalary。” Readin10minutes:EmotionalIntelligenceTravisBradberryandJeanGreaves。 manlaptoplisteningwomanspeakingexplainingNataliaBudantsevaStrelkaInstituteflickrReallyfocusonyournonverbalcues。 2。WinningPeopleOverWithNonverbalCues InTheLikeSwitch,JackSchaferandMarvinKarlinsbreakdowntheuniversalnonverbalsignalsusedbyhumansandtellyouhowtousethemtoyouradvantage。 Ifyouaskthem,humanshavealotincommonwithanunlikelyanimal:thehumblefirefly。Likefireflies,humansuseaspecialsignaltoattractpositiveattention。It’sobviouswhatfirefliesuse,butifyouknowwhattolookfor,it’snotsohardtoseeinhumanseithertheycallitthe“eyebrowflash。” Thisnonverbalcueisarapidupanddownmovementoftheeyebrows,lastingforaroundonesixthofasecond。Evenfromquitefaraway,aneyebrowflashsendsasignalthatyoudon’tposeathreattothepersonyou’reapproaching。 Asecondprimarynonverbalcueistheheadtilt。Thisisanonthreateninggesture,sincetiltingyourheadtotheleftortherightexposesoneofyourcarotidarteries,whichprovidesoxygenatedbloodtothebrain。 Weunconsciouslyexposethesearteriesonlytopeoplewhoareharmless。Conversely,wetuckourneckintoourshoulderstoprotectourselveswhenwefeelthreatened。 Athirdpowerfulnonverbalsignalisagenuinesmile。Wejudgethosewithsmilingfacestobemorelikable,attractiveandlessdominant,aswellasfriendly。 Asanaddedbonus,asmilereleasesendorphins,givingusasenseofwellbeing。It’areciprocatedsmilemakesyourtargetfeelgood。 3。3TricksforGaugingRapport Itcanbehardtoknowwhatsomeonethinksofyou。But,contrarytowhatpeoplesayoutloud,bodylanguagemightbroadcastsomeone’srealfeelingsloudandclear。IfyouaskJackSchaferandMarvinKarlins,authorsofTheLikeSwitch,allyouhavetodoislearnhowtolisten。 Bodylanguage,likeanyformoflanguage,isameansofcommunication,whichmeansothersreadyourbodylanguagetoo。Althoughsomeinvoluntaryphysicalresponsescanonlybecontrolledwithrigoroustraining,insomesituationswecanconsciouslyemphasizecertainmovementstoouradvantage。 ForJackSchaferandMarvinKarlins,it’sallaboutrapport。Rapportisthenameforthepsychologicalbridgebetweenpeople。It’sanameforthesetofphenomenonthatweseeascharacteristicoftwogoodfriends,theunspokenbondandunderstanding。 Butallpeoplearedifferent。Somepeopleareshy,andcan’texpressthemselveswell。Itcanbehardtoreadthesepeople,hardtofindouthowtheyfeelaboutyou。Butmostpeoplearestillbroadcastingvolumesabouttheirfeelingsandemotionalstate:withtheirbodylanguage。 firstdatecouplesmilinglaughingShutterstockSmilingiskey。 Sohowdoyougaugerapport?TheLikeSwitchoutlinesthese3ways。 Eyecontactisatriedandtruewaytotestforrapport。Ifapersonrefusestolockeyeswithyou,therelationshipmightneedsomemoremaintenancebeforeadvancingtothestageofprolongedeyecontact。 Noteinstancesofphysicaltouch。Whilewetypicallyonlybrieflytoucheachotherbelowtheshouldersorshakehandswhenwedon’tknowsomeone,touchingthatoccursoutsidethisareasignifiesacloserrelationship。Alighttouchontheforearmorkneewhenyouarebothseatedwillshowwhetherrapporthasbeenestablishedornot。 Usemirroring,alsocalledisopraxism,totestforrapport。Peoplewhoarepsychologicallyconnectedwilloftenmirroreachother’sbodylanguageinconversation。Trythe“leadandfollow”approachbychangingyourbodyposition,likecrossingoruncrossingyourarms。Iftheotherpersonmirrorsyou,it’sagoodsignthatrapporthasbeenestablished。 Byknowingwhattolookfor,youcanbetterjudgeaperson’sopinionofyou,orevenotherpeople。Italsogoestheotherway:utilizingthesetestsinreverse,bymaintainingeyecontact,touching,ormirroringyourconversationpartner,canalsoservetosubconsciouslyindicateyouraffectionorrespectforthem。 Thesebehaviorsandtheinsighttheyprovidecanbeinvaluablewhenjudgingpotentialemployeesorbusinesspartners,butcanalsobeusefulinyourpersonallife。 Readin10minutes:TheLikeSwitchJackSchaferandMarvinKarlins Nonverbalcommunicationisanindispensableworkplacetool You’vehearditfromtheexperts:ifyou’rerelyingonlyonspokenandwrittenlanguagetocommunicate,you’remissingout。Infact,there’sabroadspectrumofcommunicationtoolsavailabletohumans,aspectrumthatgoesfarbeyondsimplespokenlanguage。 Sothenexttimeyou’restrugglingtorelatetosomeone(ortogetthemtorelatetoyou),rememberwhatourpanelofexpertssaid,andtakeamomenttoobservetheirbodylanguage。Itdoesabodygood。