HowDoYouMotivateaTeen？Yes，ItIs

　　标题：HowDoYouMotivateaTeen？Yes，ItIsPossible！
　　source：positivediscipline丨JaneNelsenandLynnLott
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　　Whenparentsask，“HowdoImotivatemyteen？”theyusuallymean，“HowdoIgetmyteentodowhatIwant？HowdoIgethertohavesomebalanceinherlife？HowdoIgethimoffthecomputer，getoutside，ordojustaboutanythingexceptsittingarounddoingnothing？”
　　Encouragementisthekeytomotivation。EveryparentingtoolwearesharinginthisPositiveDisciplineforTeenagersbookisdesignedtoencourageandmotivateteens。Inthisarticlewe’llcoverSixsurefireTeenMotivators：compliments，humor，let’smakeadealcollateral，motivationthroughinvolvement，jointproblemsolvingandfollowthrough。
　　Compliments
　　Peopledobetterwhentheyfeelbetter。There’snothinglikegettingacomplimentforsomethingyoufeelgoodaboutorbeingaffirmedforwhoyouaretoimprovemotivation。Thisistrueforeveryone，butespeciallyforteens，whooftenhearendlesscriticism，nagging，andcomplainingabouttheirpoorperformance。Ifyou’reusedtousingpraiseasamotivator，youmayhaveatoughtimefindingsomethingpraiseworthywithyourteen。That’swhywesuggestencouragementbecauseitworksevenwhenyourkidsareinthedumpsandmakingmistakes。
　　Oneplacetomakesureeveryonegetsacomplimentorappreciationisthefamilymeeting。Ifyouhaveweeklymeetingsandstarteachmeetingwithsomethingpositive，yourteensmightwanttobeatthemeetingforthatalone。Afifteenyearoldboysaidhisfavoritetimeoftheweekwastheappreciationcomplimentshegotatthefamilymeeting。
　　Duringtheweek，lookforwaystoletyourkidsknowhowuniquetheyare，whatyouappreciateaboutthem，howadorabletheywereaslittlekids。Tellthemstoriesaboutwhattheyusedtodowhentheywereyounger。Askthemifthere’ssomethingtheywishpeoplewouldsayaboutthemorlikeaboutthemornoticeaboutthem，andthenmakesureyoutellthemexactlywhattheywanttohear。Theywilllikehearingit，eveniftheytoldyouwhattheywanted。
　　Humor
　　Teenagersenjoyasenseofhumorandrespondtoitmuchbetterthantolecturesandnagging。Thefollowingsituationsillustratehowparentsusehumortoinvitecooperationandtolightenthingsup。
　　Whenateenagegirlforgottosetthe，hermotherservedthedinnerdirectlyontothe。Everyonelaughedattheabsurdityofthesituation。Thewassetontimefromthenon。
　　Peterwasafatherofthreeteenswhousedbettingandguessinggamestomotivatethechildrenandaddhumortoasituation。WhenPtgettingdoneasagreed，dsay，Someoneforgottodosomethingtheyagreedto。Illgiveadollartothefirstpersonwhoguesseswhatitis。Theteensranaroundthehousetryingtofindoutwhotheculpritwassotheycouldwinadollar。
　　AnothertimePetersaid，Itfinishyouryardworkbeforethefootballgamestarts。Hewaseffectiveusingbetsandgamesbecausetheywereinfrequentandunexpected。HadPetertriedusingbetsasrewardsandbribes，hischildrenwouldhavefeltlessrespectedbecausehewouldhaveinferredtheonlyreasonhisteenshelpedthefamilywasforthemoney。
　　Let’sMakeADealandUsingCollateral
　　“I’llmakeyouadeal。Ifyouwalkthedogformeonweekdays，I’lldoaspecialfavorforyouonweekends。”
　　“I’llmakeyouadeal。I’llpickyouandyourfriendsupfromthemovieifyoucanfindanotherparenttotakeyouthere。”
　　“I’llmakeyouadeal。I’llmatchwhateveryousaveforthatnewsweater（guitar，game，etc。）
　　Collateralworksreallywellwithteens。Iftheywanttoborrowsomethingofyours，theyneedtogiveyoucollateralwhichyouwillreturnwhentheyreturntheitem。Goodcollateralmightbeafavoritepieceofclothing，aniPod，aniPad，acellphone，etc。Itneedstobeanitemthathasvaluetoyourteen。
　　MotivationThroughInvolvement
　　Danasharedthefollowingataparentingclass：“Mydaughter，Sage，isdoingexceptionallywellinschool。Sheisgettingthehighestscoreonmosttests，andsheisnotfeelingchallenged。AtthelastParentTeacherConferencesheaskedformorechallengingworkfromherteacher。OthermembersofthegroupwantedtoknowwhatDanadidtomotivateSagetodosowell。”
　　Danathensharedthefollowing：“IhavelearnedthatwhatworkswellwithSageisexplainingtoherthebenefitofdoingwell。IuseeveryopportunityIcantopointthemouttoher。Whenshelearnssomethingnew，Itakeittothenextlevelwithmoreinformationandthenpointouttoherthatiswhatissocoolaboutlearning，thatyoulearnonenewthinganditopensupawholenewworld。”
　　JointProblemSolvingWorkswithTeens
　　FourStepsforJointProblemSolving
　　Teenshareshisorherissuesandgoals。
　　Parentshareshisorherissuesandgoals。
　　Ifgoalsofteenandparentarefarapart，brainstormtofindoptions。
　　Teenandparentpickanoptiontheycanbothlivewithandtryitoutforashorttime。
　　FollowThrough
　　Theteenmotivatorswehavediscussedsofar，arefairlyquickandeasy。Followthroughismorecomplicatedandrequiresmoreguidanceonyourpart，butitisworththeeffortbecauseitisasurefiremethodthatreallyhelpsteenskeeptheiragreements。Followthroughisanexcellentalternativetoauthoritarianmethodsorpermissiveness。Withfollowthrough，youcanmeettheneedsofthesituationwhilemaintainingdignityandrespectforallconcerned。Followthroughisalsoawaytohelpteenslearnthelifeskillstheyneedinordertofeelgoodaboutthemselveswhilelearningtobecontributingmembersofsociety。
　　Followthroughisarespectful，fourstepapproachtoparentingteensthatteachescooperation，lifeskills，andresponsibilityinspiteofresistance。Itworkswhetheryouaretryingtomoveyourteenawayfromthecomputer，jointhefamily，orkeepupresponsibilitiestothemselvesandthefamily。Thekeyisthatfollowthroughinvolvesyou，becauseyouaretheonlyonewhodoesthefollowthrough。Theresultisthatyourteenalsofollowsthrough，butrarelywithoutyourparticipation。Thinkofthisasoneofyourmaincopilotduties。
　　TheFourStepsforEffectiveFollowThrough
　　Haveafriendlydiscussionwithyourteentogatherinformationaboutwhatishappeningregardingtheproblem。（Listenfirstandthenshareyourthoughts。）
　　Brainstormsolutionswithyourteen。（Useyourhumorandthrowinsomeexaggerations。）Chooseonethatbothyouandyourteencanagreeto。Findingasolutionyoubothlikemaytakesomenegotiating，sfavorite。
　　Agreeonadateandtimedeadline。
　　Understandteenswellenoughtoknowthatthedeadlineprobablywon’tbemetandsimplyfollowthroughontheagreementbykindlyandfirmlyholdingyourteenaccoun。
　　Beforeweprovideexamplesofeffectivefollowthrough，itisimportanttounderstandthetrapsthatdefeatfollowthrough。
　　FourTrapsThatDefeatFollowThrough
　　Believingthatteensthinkthewayyouthinkandhavethesameprioritiesyouhave。
　　Gettingintojudgmentsandcriticisminsteadofstickingtotheissue。
　　Notgettingagreementsinadvancethatincludeaspecifictimedeadline。
　　Notmaintainingdignityandrespectforyourselfandyourteen
　　Inourworkshops，tohelpparentslearntheartoffollowthroughandtoshowthemthatitreallydoeswork，weoftenaskforavolunteertoroleplayateenwhohasnotkeptanagreementtodoatask，suchasmowingthelawn。WethenpointtotheFourStepsforEffectiveFollowThroughandaskthevolunteertopretendwehavealreadygonethroughthemasaparentandateen。Tosetuptheroleplay，weasktheteentositinachairandpretendheorsheisplayingavideogame。Thedeadlinehasarrived，butthetaskisnotdone。WethenroleplaytheadultwhofollowsthroughbyusingthefollowingFourHintsforEffectiveFollowThrough。
　　FourHintsforEffectiveFollowThrough
　　Keepcommentssimple，concise，andfriendly。（Itdoyourtask。Wouldyoupleasedothatnow？）
　　Inresponsetoobjections，ask，Whatwasouragreement？
　　Inresponsetofurtherobjections，shutyourmouthandusenonverbalcommunication。（Pointtoyourwatchaftereveryargument。Smileknowingly。Giveahugandpointtoyourwatchagain。）Ilessismore。Thelessyousaythemoreeffectiveyouwillbe。Themoreyousay，themoreammunitionyougiveyourkidsforanargumentwhichtheywillwineverytime。
　　Whenyourteenconcedes（sometimeswithgreatannoyance），say，Thankyouforkeepingouragreement。
　　Onethingweaskofthevolunteerroleplayingtheteenistobeinthepresentmoment。Bythiswemeanthevolunteershouldrespondtowhatisbeingdonenowratherthanrespondinginwaysthatateenwouldreacttodisrespectfulmethods。Whenthevolunteerdoesthis，comestoagreement（afteralittleresistance）。
　　KindandFirmParentingSkillsToRemember
　　Youcanmotivateyourteenswithencouragementwhichisverydifferentfromtryingtogetyourteenstodowhatyouwant。
　　Humor，collateral，let’smakeadeal，andinvolvementarepositivemotivationtools。
　　Thereisonesurefirewaytogetyourkidstokeeptheiragreements，scalledfollowthrough。Itmaybealotofworkforyouinthebeginning，butitwillbewortheveryminuteofthetimeyouspendtotrainbothyouandyourteentousebetterhabits。
　　Readthefoursteps，thefourtraps，andthefourhintsforsuccessfulfollowthroughagainandagain，becausetheyareverydifferentfromhowyouwouldnormallyrespondasaparentandasahuman。
　　Youmustbethereatthefirstdeadlinetosetupthefollowthrough。Itworkinthelongrunwithoutyouthereinthebeginning。
　　Ifyouwhineorcomplainthatusingfollowthroughistoomuchwork，trackhowmuchtimeyouspendremindingandnaggingyourteeninstead。Noticetheeffectthatnagginghasonyouandonyourteen。Keepachecklistofhowoftenthetaskyouarenaggingaboutactuallygetsdone。Wecallthisarealitycheck。
　　Followthroughwillhelpyouusefewerwordsandyourkidswillhearyoubetter。
　　Dthesitatetoprepareinadvanceandmaybeevenpracticewithafriend。YEmpoweringTeenagersandYourselfinthePaudiotapesforalivedemonstration。Ithelps！（Theycanbefoundonourwebsiteatwww。positivediscipline。com）
　　Wedonotrecommendmakingcontractswithyourteens。Ifyouneedtowriteinformationdownasareminderforbothofyou，thatisrespectfulandeffective。Settingupacontractmeansyouaretreatingyourteenagerlikeaclientoranadversary。Ifyoudosignacontract，sattitudes。
　　Seemoreat：http：www。positivediscipline。comarticlesteenmotivation。htmlsthash。rd0wvGTH。dpuf