心理学家乔登彼得森教授如何提升孩子抗挫折的能力？

　　孩子教育问题，心理健康问题一直是为人父母的我们永恒的话题。如何培养出一个独立、坚强、勇敢、坚忍不拔的孩子，是每个家长，每个家庭梦寐以求的追求。天下所有的父母都疼爱自己的孩子，但我们是否以正确的方式爱孩子，我们的爱会让孩子变得坚强，还是脆弱？我们为孩子做任何事情的时候，是盲目地爱，还是带着理性思考？
　　下面，我们一起来看看著名的心理学家乔登·彼得森教授怎样说。
　　如何提升孩子抗挫折的能力？首先，让孩子的责任归孩子，父母的责任归父母。父母帮助孩子提供装备，鼓励孩子克服困难，并坚信孩子能够完成挑战。最重要的规则：不要为任何人做任何他们自己可以做到的事，因为你这样做会剥夺他们的生存能力。
　　视频链接：
　　https://www.ixigua.com/7042455280331784715?is_new_connect=0&is_new_user=0
　　Do not do anything for anyone that they can do for themselves.不要为任何人做任何他们自己可以做到的事。
　　What I found most interesting in your book is the stuff you write about child development. If we are overprotective with our children, we will create weak inpiduals.（访问者）在你的书中我发现有一段特别有意思，那是你写的关于儿童发展的部分。如果我们过度保护我们的孩子，我们将会创造出弱小的个体。
　　While you demolish people＂s resilience that way. I mean, life is difficult and you cannot protect your children. What you can do is prepare them, and you can prepare them to be strong and courageous and truthful and resilient and reciprocal in their interactions with other people. And that means you equip them for what life will be, which is a minimum a series of difficult challenges. And often more than that, because, of course people go through very difficult times in their lives. （乔登）你这样做破坏一个人的心理的韧性。我的意思是，人生是艰难的，你无法一直保护你的孩子。你能做的就是让他们做好准备，使他们变得坚强、勇敢、实事求是、坚忍不拔，并以他们希望别人对待他们的方式来对待别人。而这意味着你要让他们装备好，面对生活将的挑战，他们至少要面对一系列严峻的挑战。而且往往不止于此，因为，人们在生活中会难以避免经历非常困难的时期。
　　And a resilient person is capable of standing up to things in the face of fear and moving forward voluntarily, convinced of their own competence and ability to prevail. 一个坚韧的人，能够在面对逆境时勇敢面对，不畏险阻，自发前进，并坚信自己有能力战胜困境。
　　And so your primary goal as a parent apart from facilitating your child＂s social desirability, which is a major obligation on your part is to encourage your children into. And I mean that literally to instill in them as a sense of courage in the face of the difficulties of life, and not to protect them from that. We don＂t even want to be protected from those difficulties, because a major part of life and it’s meaning is the challenge that comes with confronting difficulties. 因此，作为父母的你，你的首要目标是除了促进孩子达到社会期许之外，同时你的主要义务，是鼓励你的孩子。我的意思是，给他们灌输一种面对生活困难的勇气，而不是保护他们免受伤害。我们甚至不想被保护免于经受这些困难，因为人生的大部分时间及其意义就是面对困难时所经历的挑战。
　　(Interviewer) What do you want to say to those parents that allow their 8 or 9-year-old sons to sleep in their beds at night, instead of sleeping in their own rooms? （访问者）有些父母会允许自己8-9岁的孩子晚上跟他们同房睡，而不是让孩子单独睡在自己的房间，你对这些父母有什么想说的吗？
　　Well, I the first thing I would say about that is you might want to ask, why you don＂t want privacy with your Spouse, you know, the last thing you want to do is use your child as an excuse to not interact properly with your wife or your husband. That people allow their children to interfere with their relationship. （乔登）首先我想说的是，你可能想要问问自己，为什么你不想跟另一半有隐私空间。你最不想做的事情就是把你的孩子作为借口，不与你的另一半进行适当的互动。当一个人默许孩子干扰自己与另一半的空间，背后的原因有很多种。
　　And so, by eight or nine, a child is more than capable of spending time on their own, and they need to do that anyways, because you don＂t want your child to be either unable to spend time alone, or terrified out of it. You also destroy to some degree, their ability to cope on their own, but also their imagination, by not requiring them to rely on themselves, for their own, like for self-calming and also for self-amusement. There＂s a rule, when you＂re dealing with people who might be dependent, and this includes the situation where you＂re dealing with sick people or elderly people. And the rule is--do not do anything for anyone that they can do for themselves, because you take away their confidence by doing that. 另外，到了八九岁的时候，孩子已经完全有能力独处了，再说他们必须那么做，因为你也不希望你的孩子无法独处，或者害怕独处。如果你不让他们学会让自己平静下来，自己玩耍的话，在某种程度上，你不但摧毁了他们的自立能力，同时也摧毁了他们的想象力，因为他们不需要依靠自己。有一条规则，当你面对的人，可能会对你造成依赖时，这也包括了其他情况，比如你在照顾病人，或照顾老人。而规则是--不要为任何人做任何他们能为自己做的事，因为你这样做会剥夺他们的生存能力。