Mydream

　　Mydreamistobeatercher。becauseicanteachmanystudents。icanmakefriendswiththem。imgoingtostdyhard。imgoingtolearnenglishverywellbecauseiwanttobeanenglishteacher。imgoingtopratisemyenglisheveryday。imgoingtobeijingforeigelanguageuniversityandimgoingtolearnenglishthere。ialsolikeforeigeculture。imgoingtolearnenglishinamericaoremglish。
　　浙江省嘉兴市南湖区三水湾中学701班陈子琪
　　批改老师googler评分90分级别优秀批改
　　1、atercher拼写错误ateacher
　　2、imgoingtostdyhard。imgoingtolearnenglishverywellbecauseiwanttobeanenglishteacher。此句过于冗长，根据前后内容，可改为imgoingtostudyenglishhard。becauseiwanttobeanenglishteacher。注意单词拼写：study。
　　3、imgoingtobeijingforeigelanguageuniversityandimgoingtolearnenglishthere。ialsolikeforeigeculture。imgoingtolearnenglishinamericaoremglish。此句前后没有条理性，表达不清楚，有重复，可改为：imgoingtolearnenglishinbeijingforeignlanguageuniversity。ialsolikeforeignculture。atlast，imgoingtolearnenglishinamericaorenglandsomeday。单词拼写错误：foreignenglish
　　4、在表达有先后顺序的步骤时，可适当地运用一些词：first（atfirst）nextthenlast（atlast，finally）等等。
　　参考例句（文）
　　Mydream
　　Mydreamistobeatercher。becauseicanteachmanystudents。icanmakefriendswiththem。first，imgoingtostudyenglishhard。becauseiwanttobeanenglishteacher。then，imgoingtolearnenglishinbeijingforeignlanguageuniversity。ialsolikeforeignculture。atlast，finally，imgoingtolearnenglishinamericaorenglandsomeday。