CanitreallybesixtytwoyearsagothatIfirstsawyou? Itistrulyalifetime,Iknow。ButasIgazeintoyoureyesnow,itseemslikeonlyyesterdaythatIfirstsawyou,inthatsmallcafeacute;inHanoverSquare。 FromthemomentIsawyousmile,asyouopenedthedoorforthatyoungmotherandhernewbornbaby。Iknew。IknewthatIwantedtosharetherestofmylifewithyou。 IstillthinkofhowfoolishImusthavelooked,asIgazedatyou,thatfirsttime。Irememberwatchingyouintently,asyoutookoffyourhatandlooselyshookyourshortdarkhairwithyourfingers。Ifeltmyselfbecomingimmersedinyoureverydetail,asyouplacedyourhatonthetableandcuppedyourhandsaroundthehotcupoftea,gentlyblowingthesteamawaywithyourpoutedlips。 Fromthatmoment,everythingseemedtomakeperfectsensetome。Thepeopleinthecafeacute;andthebusystreetoutsidealldisappearedintoahazyblur。AllIcouldseewasyou。 AllthroughmylifeIhaverelivedthatveryfirstday。Many,manytimesIhavesatandthoughtaboutthatthefirstday,andhowforafewfleetingmomentsIamthere,feelingagainwhatisliketoknowtruelovefortheveryfirsttime。ItpleasesmethatIcanstillhavethosefeelingsnowafterallthoseyears,andIknowIwillalwayshavethemtocomfortme。 NotevenasIshookandtrembleduncontrollablyinthetrenches,didIforgetyourface。Iwouldsithuddledintothewetmud,terrified,asthehailsofbulletsandmortarscrasheddownaroundme。Iwouldclutchmyrifletightlytomyheart,andthinkagainofthatveryfirstdaywemet。Iwouldcryoutinfear,asthenoiseofwarbeatdownaroundme。But,asIthoughtofyouandsawyousmilingbackatme,everythingaroundmewouldbebecomesilent,andIwouldbewithyouagainforafewpreciousmoments,farfromthedeathanddestruction。ItwouldnotbeuntilIopenedmyeyesonceagain,thatIwouldseeandhearthecarnageofthewararoundme。 Icannottellyouhowstrongmyloveforyouwasbackthen,whenIreturnedtoyouonleaveintheSeptember,feelingbattered,bruisedandfragile。WeheldeachothersotightIthoughtwewouldburst。IaskedyoutomarrymetheverysamedayandIwhoopedwithjoywhenyoulookeddeepintomyeyesandsaidyestobeingmybride。 Imlookingatourweddingphotonow,theoneonourdressingtable,nexttoyourjewellerybox。Ithinkofhowyoungandinnocentwewerebackthen。IrememberbeingonthechurchstepsgrinninglikeaCheshirecat,whenyousaidhowdashingandhandsomeIlookedinmyuniform。Thephotoisoldandfadednow,butwhenIlookatit,Ionlyseethebrightvibrantcolorsofouryouth。Icanstillremembereverydetailoftheprettyweddingdressyourmothermadeforyou,withitsfinedelicatelaceandprettypearls。IfIconcentratehardenough,Icansmellthesweetnessofyourweddingbouquetasyouhelditsoproudlyforeveryonetosee。 Irememberbeingsooverenjoyed,whenayearlater,yougentlyheldmyhandtoyourwaistandwhisperedinmyearthatweweregoingtobeafamily。 Iknowbothourchildrenloveyoudearly;theyareoutsidethedoornow,waiting。 DoyourememberhowIpanickedlikeamadmanwhenJonathonwasborn?Icanstillpictureyoulaughingandsmilingatmenow,asIclumsilyheldhimfortheveryfirsttimeinmyarms。Iwatchedasyourlaughterfadedintotears,asIstaredathimandcriedmyowntearsofjoy。 SarahandTomarrivedthismorningwithlittleTessie。Canyourememberhowwebothhuggedeachothertightlywhenwesawourtinygranddaughterforthefirsttime?Icantbelieveshewillbeeightnextmonth。Iamtryingnottocry,mylove,asItellyouhowbeautifulshelookstodayinherprettydressandredshinyshoes,sheremindsmesomuchofyouthatfirstdaywemet。Shehasherhaircutshortnow,justlikeyourswasallthoseyearsago。WhenImetheratthedoorhersmilewrappedaroundmelikeawarmglove,justlikeyoursusedtodo,mydarling。 Iknowyouaretired,mydear,andImustletyougo。ButIloveyousomuchithurtstodoso。 Aswegrewoldtogether,Iwouldteaseyouthatyouhadnotchangedsincewefirstmet。Butitistrue,mydarling。Idonotseethewrinklesandgreyhairthatotherpeoplesee。WhenIlookatyounow,Ionlyseeyoursweettenderlipsandyouthfulsparklingeyesaswesatandhadourfirstpicnicnexttothatsmallstream,andchasedeachotheraroundthatbigoldoaktree。Irememberwishingthosefirstfewdaystogetherwouldlastforever。Doyourememberhowexcitingandwonderfulthosedayswere? Imustgonow,mydarling。Ourchildrenarewaitingoutside。Theywanttosaygoodbyetoyou。 Iwipethetearsawayfrommyeyesandbendmyfrailoldlegsdowntothefloor,sothatIcankneelbesideyou。Ileanclosetoyouandtakeholdofyourhandandkissyourtenderlipsfortheverylasttime。 Sleeppeacefullymydear。 Iamsadthatyouhadtoleaveme,butpleasedontworry。Iamcontent,knowingIwillbewithyousoon。Iamtoooldandtooemptynowtolivemuchlongerwithoutyou。 Iknowitwontbelongbeforewemeetagaininthatsmallcafeacute;inHanoverSquare。 Goodbye,mydarlingwife。