婚恋：TheFivePrinciplesofaHappyMa

　　标题：TheFivePrinciplesofaHappyMarriage
　　作者：DrJeremyDean
　　原文链接：http：www。spring。org。uk201509thefiveprinciplesofahappymarriage。php
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　　40，000combinedyearsofmarriageexperienceboileddowntothesefivepoints。
　　Thelargesteversurveyoflongtermmarriageshasrevealedthefivekeystoahappymarriage。
　　Over700peoplewhohavebeenmarriedforacombinedtotalof40，000years（！）tookpart。
　　Theywereaskedhowtofindasuipartner，howtogetthroughdifficulttimesandanyotheradviceonloveandmarriagetheyhad。
　　ProfessorKarlPillemerexplainedhisaims：
　　“Ratherthanfocusonasmallnumberofstories，mygoalwastotakeadvantageofthe‘wisdomofcrowds，’collectingtheloveandrelationshipadviceofalargeandvariedcrosssectionoflongmarriedeldersinascientificallyreliableandvalidway。”
　　Thetopfivelessonsforahappymarriagewere：
　　1。Learntocommunicate
　　ProfessorPillemerexplained：
　　“Foragoodmarriage，theeldersoverwhelminglytellusto‘talk，talk，talk。’
　　Theybelievemostmaritalproblemscanbesolvedthroughopencommunication，andconverselymanywhosemarriagesdissolvedblamedlackofcommunication。”
　　2。Gettoknowyourpartnerbeforemarrying
　　ProfessorPillemersaid：
　　“ManyoftheeldersIdespitethatfact，theyrecommendtheopposite。
　　Theystronglyadviseyoungerpeopletowaittomarryuntiltheyhavegottentoknowtheirpartnerwellandhaveanumberofsharedexperiences。
　　Animportantpartofthisadviceisalessonthatwasendorsedinverystrongterms：Nevergetmarriedexpectingtobeabletochangeyourpartner。”
　　3。Treatmarriageasunbreakableandlifelong
　　ProfessorPillemersaid：
　　“Ratherthanseeingmarriageasavoluntarypartnershipthatlastsonlyaslongasthepassiondoes，theeldersproposeamindsetinwhichitisaprofoundcommitmenttoberespected，evenifthingsgosourovertheshortterm。
　　Manystruggledthroughdryandunhappyperiodsandfoundwaystoresolvethemgivingthemtherewardofafulfilling，intactmarriageinlaterlife。”
　　4。Learntoworkasateam
　　ProfessorPillemersaid：
　　“Theeldersurgeustoapplywhatwehavelearnedfromourlifelongexperiencesinteamsinsports，inwork，inthemilitarytomarriage。
　　Concretely，thisviewpointinvolvesseeingproblemsascollectivetothecouple，ratherthanthedomainofonepartner。
　　Anydifficulty，illness，orsetbackexperiencedbyonememberofthecoupleistheotherpartner’sresponsibility。”
　　5。Choosesomeonesimilartoyou
　　ProfessorPillemersaid：
　　“Marriageisdifficultattimesforeveryone，theeldersassert，butit’smucheasierwithsomeonewhosharesyourinterests，backgroundandorientation。
　　Themostcriticalneedforsimilarityisincorevaluesregardingpotentiallycontentiousissueslikechildrearing，howmoneyshouldbespentandreligion。”
　　TheresearchispublishedinProfessorPillemer’sbook。