健康YourChildhoodExperiencesMigh

　　标题：YourChildhoodExperiencesMightBeEatingAtYou，Here’sHowToDealWithIt
　　source：lifehack丨NEMANJAMANOJLOVIC
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　　Letmestartoffbysayingthatweareallresponsibleforourownactions。Whenitcomestimetomakeabigdecisioninlife，orevenwhenmakingallthelittleonesthateventuallycontributetothedevelopmentofyourpersonality，itcanbeharderforsometotaketherightpath，butthereisstillachoice。
　　I’mnottryingtobemeantoanyoneorturnablindeyetothefactthatwearefarfrombeingallequal，andthatsomepeoplearejustdealtabetterhandofgeneticcards，growupinbetterconditions，andsoon。However，thefactthattherearealwaysdifferentchoicestobemade，nomatterhowhardandgruellingthebestchoicesmightbeforsome，isincrediblyimportant，andyou’llsoonseewhy。
　　Yousee，theoldnatureversusnurturedebategetsevenmorecomplicatedwhenwethrowinthingslikepersonalchoices，andyouhaveyourgeneticsteamingupwithyourchildhooddemonsandinsecuritiestotryandpushyouincertaindirections。
　　Mostpeopleknowthattherearemanydifferentwaystogoaboutanysituation，butit’sthatdeepseatedemotionalbaggagethattellsthemthattheydon’thaveoptions，thattheycan’tmakeit，thatit’ssomeoneelse’sfault，andsoon。
　　TheACEStudyandQuestionnaire
　　AstudyofAdverseChildhoodExperiences，orACE’sforshort，hasbeengoingonforyearsnow，lookingatchildhoodexperiencesofthousandsofpatientsandcomparingthemtotheirmedicalhistoriesinadulthood。Theyhaveaniftylittlequestionnaireyoucancheckouttogaugejusthowheavyofanemotionalloadyouarecarryingonyourshoulders。However，weshouldbearinmindthatthingsarenotblackandwhiteit’sascalewith“loving，supportivefamilyandfairlynicechildhood”ononeendofthespectrum，and“acompletelydysfunctional，violentandabusivefamilyandtroubledchildhood”ontheotherend。Youcouldfallanywherebetweenthetwoextremes。
　　Badchildhoodexperiencesarenotalwaysbigtraumaticevents
　　Don’tthinkI’mjusttalkingaboutsurvivorsofmajortraumaticeventslikethedeathofaparent，sexualorphysicalabusehereeventhosewithseemingly“normal”childhoodshavetodealwithtonsofstressandmayhavehadexperiencesthatstickwiththemwellintotheiradultlifeandcausethemtoformbadhabitsthatmakethemunhappy。Lackofsupport，beingdeniedphysicalandverbalaffectionfromclosefamily，parentswhoconstantlycriticiseandmockyou，growingupinanemotionallyunsfamilywhereshoutingoutburstarethenormthesethingscanalsohaveahugeeffectonyourlife。Plentyofseeminglywelloffkidsfrom“goodfamilies”cravethesupport，respect，andlovetheynevergotasachild，andthiscausesthemtoturntoselfdestructivebehavioursasadults。
　　Thementalsideeffectsoflivingwithstressandanxietyarereversible
　　Thereisastrangemasochistictendencytogiveintothepainwhenyou’vegotunresolvedissues，buttheproblemisthatatruemasochistissubmissivebynature，andwecan’tgetanywherewhileweareinthatvulnerable，fragile，frightful，anddependentstate。Luckily，scientistsagreethatthenegativeeffectsthatchildhoodstresshasonuscanbeeradicated。
　　Therearealotofwaysinwhichouroldissuescanaffectthewayweliveourlives，whichyoumightnotevenbeawareof。Iwilllistthemostcommononesbelowandtrytogiveyouanefficientandactionablestrategyforovercomingtheseproblems。
　　Ittakesastrongsurvivalinstincttoletthepaststayinthepast
　　Here’salittletest。DidyounoticehowIsaid“survivors”andnot“victims”alittlewhileago？Gobackandcheck，I’llwait。Havingtherightmindsetandastrongwillaretheonlytwothingsthatcanhelpyouovercomeadversityandbuildabetterlifeforyourself，nomatterwhereyoucamefromandwhatyouhadtoendure。
　　Thesearethethingsthatwillallowyoutoseethedifferentchoicesavailabletoyouandgiveyouthestrengthtostickwithpositivechanges。Inotherwords，youneedtoenvisionyourselfasasurvivorbadthingshappened，youlivedthroughthem，andnowthatyou’vegotyourlifeinyourownhands，youhavetotryandmakethebestofit。
　　Youfeeltrapped，unfulfilled，surroundedbypeoplethatdon’tgetyouormakeyouhappy
　　Thisisthemostcommonproblemthatpeoplestarttoexperienceastheygetalittleolder。Youstarttoseethatthosefriendsyouhadinhighschoolandatcollegedidn’treallyhaveallthatmuchincommonwithyou，asidefromthefactthatthatyouwenttothesameschoolandlikedtopartyandhangoutatthesameplaces。Anotherthingpeopletendtorealizeisthattheyfeelmorecomfordoingsomethingdifferentthanwhattheyinitiallythoughtwouldbeagoodcareerchoiceforthem，whattheymayhavegoneschoolfor。
　　Whenyouareakid，it’smucheasiernottothinkaboutthingstoomuch，takeother’sadviceblindlyandjustdowhatyouare“supposedtodo。”Study，gotoaschoolthatwillaffordyoubetterjobprospects，dressappropriately，andjustgenerallyfollowtherules。Whenyourealizethatfollowingtherulescanmakeyouasdepressedandlonelyasmakingstupidchoicescan，youbegintoresenttheworldaroundyou。
　　Ifyourentireenvironmentfeelsboringandbleak，andyouaren’tsatisfiedwiththetypeofpersonyouarebecoming，agoodsolutionistomakeabigchangeandstartover。Likerestartingacomputerwhenitgetsabitbuggy，simplyboxeverythingup，movetoanothercityandstartoverwithafreshslateitcanreallyfixalotofproblems。Therearelotsoflittlethingsyoucandotomakeyourselffeelmoreathomeinanewenvironment，butyou’llalsohavethefreedomtochangeanythingyouwant。
　　Thenewpeopleyoumeetwon’thaveapredeterminedimageofyou，norwilltheyknoweverylittlemistakeandembarrassingsecretfromyourpast，soyoucanreinventyourself。Mostimportantly，yougettochoosewhoyouwanttoallowtocomeclosetoyou。Sometimes，it’sbesttocutalltieswithpeopleandplacesthatdragyoubackintoadarkstateofmind。
　　Youtrytoohardtopleaseothersandfitin
　　Thispointissomewhatrelatedtothepreviousone，butyouthereisanodifferenceyoumayfeelgreataboutyourenvironment，work，andevenmostofyourfriends，butyoufeellikeyouarelosingyourselfbitbybitbecauseyouchangeandadapttobestsuitthetemperament，tastes，andlifestylesofthosearoundyou。Whentryingtopleaseeveryoneallthetime，mistakenlythinkingthatthisishowyoubuildrapportandshowthatyoucare，it’seasytoforgetwhoyoureallyareandwhatmakesyouhappy。Toomanypeopletrydesperatelytoappeasetheirparentsandlookforagrouptobeapartofwhentheycan’tfindtheunderstandingandaffectiontheyarelackingathome。
　　Themainthingtorememberhereisthatit’simpossibletopleaseeveryone，andthatyoudon’thavetotryand“please”anyone。Beingnice，friendly，compassionate，andconsiderateisnotthesameaslikingallthesamethingsassomebody，agreeingwitheverythingtheysay，doingwhatevertheywanttodo，andneverstatingyourownopinionoraskingotherstodowhatyouwanttodoforfearofbeingrudeortoodemanding。
　　Itwouldbefoolishformetosuggestthatyoujuststopdoingthesethingsallofasudden，butIcanaskyoutotakesometimeofffromeveryoneelseanddosomesoulsearching。It’snotthatdifficult，actuallytakeafewdaysofffromworkor，ifyoucan’tmanagethat，waitfortheweekend，turnoffyourphone，telleveryonethatyou’reill，andgetsomequalityalonetime。Listentothemusicthatreallyspeakstoyouandmovesyou，watchafewmoviesthatyoufindexciting，lookatclothesandgadgetsonlinethatyouthinklookgoodandforgetaboutwhatothersmightsay。
　　Youshouldalsothinkaboutthetypeofpartnerthatyoupreferwhatarethephysicalandmentalattributesthatreallyturnyouon，andwhatreallymakesyoucareforsomeoneaswellaswhatyouexpectfromagoodfriend。It’slikeoneofthosegoofyquestionnaireskidsmakeorsomethingthatyou’dfindonanonlinepersonalitytest，butinsteadofusingittoputyourselfinaneatlittleboxandputalabelonwhoyouare，youshouldusethesequestionstohelpyoulearnmoreaboutyourself。Fromthenonout，it’saslowandsteadyjourneyoffocusingonwhatyouenjoyandtryingtomakeyourselffeelgoodforachange，evenifthatgetsyouafewdisapprovinglooksoranarrogantsneerfromothers。
　　Youareanemotionaleaterandhaveneglectedyourbody
　　Somepeopledealwithproblemsbyresortingtodrugsoralcohol。Forothers，itisasomewhatlesserevil，butadestructiveanddeadlyonenonetheless。Emotionaleatingcanwreakchaosonyourbody，asitisincrediblyeasytobecomeobesewhenyou’realreadylowonenergyanddon’tfeellikeleavingthehouse，andthenyoureachforsomethingsweetinadesperateefforttofillthevoidinyourchest。
　　Bodyimageandconfidenceissuesaside，obesityislinkedtoanumberofseriousmedicalconditionsthatcanconsiderablyshortenyourlifespanandreducethequalityofyourlife。Acceptingwhoyouareandfeelinggoodinyourownskinisgreat，butonceyourlifestyleandleveloffitnessstartnegativelyimpactingyourhealth，it’stimeforachange。Wedevelopbadeatinghabitsearlyonduringchildhoodandtheybecomesoingrainedthatit’sincrediblyhardtoshakethemoff。
　　Theproblemisthatalotofselfappointedfitness“gurus”justdon’tunderstandthegravityoftheunderlyingpsychologicalissues。It’snotaboutbeinglazyornothavingthe“warriormentality”andquitefrankly，unlessyouareaprofessionalsoldier，youdonothaveanysuchthing，nomatterhowmanyburpeesyoucandoin5minutesit’sabouthavingthishugebeastmadeupoffear，sadness，pain，andsomemorefearpushingdownonyourchesteverytimeyoutrygetoffthecouchandmakeachange。
　　Thewayoutisdifficult，butifyoupaceyourselfandfocusonlongtermresults，youcaneaseintoaweightlossregimethatyouarecomforwith。Keepinmindthatyouwillhavetomakeabigshiftinyourdiet，focusingonnutritiousfoodsaswellasyouroverallactivitylevels。Buildingbothstrengthandenduranceishowyougetyourbodytoshedweightquickly，andallthatextraexercise，coupledwithstretching，hasalsobeenshowntopositivelyaffectyourmood。
　　Youhaveastronginnervoiceofselfdoubtthatwon’tshutup
　　Weallhavethatcriticalvoiceorthosepessimisticthoughtsthatoftengetmistakenforbeingrealisticwithyourself。Somepeoplehavetheseinspadesconstantlypresent，guidingeverydecisionthattheymake，andcausingthemagreatdealofanxiety。Everylittlethingthatyoudidaschildseemslikeabaddecisionandthethingsyoudidn’tdobecauseyouwereafraidarenowhugeregretsthateatawayatyou。It’shardtocomebackfromsuchadeepanddarkplacewherevividimagesofyourpastmistakes，wrongdoings，failures，disappointments，andhumiliationskeephauntingyou。
　　Onceagain，it’snotamatterof“stopthis”or“dothat，”butratheramatterofunderstandingthatthereisawaytoloosentheholdtheyhaveonyou，andthatitinvolvesprovingthevoiceofselfdoubtwrongandlettingtheimagesfadeawayintothedeepmemorycompartmentsofyourmind，replacedbypositivenewexperiences。I’mnotgoingtolietoyou，alotofpeopleneedhelptojumpstartthehealingprocess。
　　Consultingatherapististhefirststep，anddrugscanactuallyhelpgetyouthroughthatinitialphase。Forthoseworriedaboutprescriptionpills，goodoldmedicinalmarijuanahasbeenshowntobeeffectiveatfightingdepression，soyouwillhavesomethingtohelpyoustaycalmuntilyoucangetbackonyourowntwofeetanddevelopbettercopingmechanisms。Exerciseandmeditationcanhelpalotaswell，andhobbiesthatinvolveplentyofrepetitiveworkarealsogreatatallowingyourmindtorelax。
　　Whenitcomestobreakingfreeofthepastandmakingahugelifestyleshift，thereisnoeasywayofdoingthings，particularlyifyouhaveissuesfromyourchildhoodthatkeepeatingawayatyou。Justknowthatitcanbedone，andthatpeoplewithsomefairlyhorrificpastshaveturnedtheirlivesaroundandfoundsuccessandhappiness。Youhavetomakethatfirststepandshiftmentalgearsbeforeyoucancreateanysortofcoherentselfimprovementstrategy。Itmightbethehardestthingyouwilleverhavetodo，butitwillpayoff。