已领丨11WaystoTellifYourLoverLove

　　source：psychologytodaybySusanKraussWhitbournePh。D。
　　欲翻译的小伙伴，可评论领稿，并把已完成的译文贴在评论处或发在自己的心理圈内。请领稿的小伙伴，尽量在一个星期内完成翻译，谢谢！！
　　Mosttheoriesofrelationshipsfocusonhowintimatepartnersfeelabouteachother，butaccordingtoJohnGottman’sbehavioralapproach（linkisexternal），youneedtofocusonoutwardsignstotestthehealthofyours。Thisapproachfollowsfromtheassumptionthatobservableactionsprovide，inmanycases，harderevidenceaboutwhat’sgoingoninsideapersonthantheinferenceswemakefromwhatheorshesays。
　　I’vetakenthelibertyoftranslatingGottman’stheory，alongwithinformationfromothersupportingpsychologicalresearch，into11sfeelings：
　　Wantstospendtimewithyou。Wantingtoinvesttimeintoyourrelationshipisakeyindicatorofsuccessfullongtermintimacy，accordingtoonerecenttheory。Althoughbothofyoumaybetiedupwithwork，family，andothercommitments，someonewhotrulycaresaboutyouwillusewhatevertimeisleftovertohavesomealonetimetogether。
　　Asksaboutyourday。Duringthattimeyouspendtogether，doesyourpartneraskabout，andshowinterestin，thehighandlowpointsofyourworkday？Couplesbuildtheirloveforeachothernotnecessarilyontheethereal，butonthepracticalsupportsthatkeepcommunicationroutesopen。
　　Trustsyou。Partnerswhotrulycareaboutyouwillgiveyouthebenefitofthedoubt。Researchshowsthatinsuccessfullongtermrelationships，partnerswanttohaveasenseofknowingwheretheirmatesareatanygiventime。However，thavethiswishbecauseofworrythattheirpartnersmightbeuptosomethingnefarious。Apartnerwhodoesn’tquestionwhereyouareifyoucomehomelateordoesn’tsnoopthroughyourcellphonebillsisshowingthekindoftrustthatshowstruecaring。
　　Helpsyouwhenyouneedit。Asbusyasweallget，addingextrachoresordutiestoyourdaymaybethelastthingyoufeellikedoing。However，ifyourpartnerisatechnophobe，andyou’retechnosavvy，you’llhelpoutwhensomethinggoeswrongwithyourhomeWiFinetwork。Similarly，ifyouabsolutelyneedsomethingfromthedrugstoreandaretoosicktogothereyourself，apartnerwhocaresaboutyouwillrunarescuemissionandgetyouthatcoldmedicine。
　　Showsrespectforyourviews。Ifrecentresearchoncomplementarityinrelationshipsistrue，it’spossibleforyouandyourpartnertobeoncompletelyoppositepolesofthepoliticalspectrumandstillremainhappytogetherforyears。Thekeyfeatureisnotwhatyourbeliefsare，though，buthowopenyoucanbetoacceptingyourpartner’sperspectiveasvalid。Let’ssayyou’reanardentfeministandyourpartnerholdspre1970sviewsaboutwomen。Ifhetrulycaresaboutyou，he’llatleastlistentoyouwhenyouexpressconcernaboutwomen’sstatusintheworkplace。
　　Includesyouindecisions。Couplesdecideoneverythingfrommundanechorestohighstakesquestionsofwhere（andhow）toinvesttheirincome。It’sfineandprobablyadvisableforeachpersontospecializeinsometasksneededtokeepthehouseholdgoing，butatsomepointyouneedtofeelthatyourviewswillstillbesought（andheard）。
　　Showsaffection。Couplesdon’thavetoengageinfrequentsex，orevenanysexatall，tobeemotionallyintimate。However，showingsomesignofphysicalcloseness，evenifit’srestingahandonyourshoulder，suggeststhatyourpartnerfeelsavitalconnectiontoyou。
　　Looksatyou。Thenonverbalcuesthatpartnerssharewitheachotherrevealtheirdeeperfeelings。Ifyourpartnerlooksatyouwhileyou’retalking，orifyoucatchhimorherdartingaglanceyourway，thissuggeststhatheorshetakespleasureinbeingwithyou。Thetwoofyoudon’tneedtospendhoursgazingintoeachother’evenaquickglancecanbeenoughtosendpositive，loveconfirming，vibes。
　　Likestotalkaboutthepast。Coupleswhospendtimerelivingtheirenjoyablemomentsfromthepast，anddosoinapositiveandsupportiveway，canstrengthentheirtiesinthepresentandfuture。Ifyourpartnerusesphrasessuchas“Rememberthetimewe？”andthenproceedstotellagreatstoryfromyourpast（whichyoumightnotevenrecall），itsuggeststhatyouandyoursharedexperiencesplayanimportantroleinyourpartner’smind。
　　Iswillingtogotobatforyouandyourrelationship。Doesyourpartnerdefendyouwhensomeoneelsecriticizesyouordoesheorshejoininthefray？Wswelfare。Partnersinmoreordinaryrelationshipscanstillshowtheirloveforeachotherbybondingtogetheragainstoutsideattacks。Inastudyoflesbian，gay，andbisexualindividualsincloserelationships，SanFranciscoStatesexualityresearcherDavidFrostfoundthatmanywhofeltstigmatizedbecauseoftheirrelationshipsdrewstrengthfromeachotherandfeltthattheybondedmorecloselyinthefaceofadversity。
　　Makesyoufeelgoodaboutyourself。Apartnerwhotrulycaresaboutyouboostsyourselfesteemandsenseofidentity。Ifnothingelse，beingwithsomeonewhomakesyoufeelvaluedprovidesyouwithstrongpositivereinforcement。Wewanttobewithpeoplewhomakeusfeelgood。Thisdoesn’tmeanthatyou’llalwayshavewonderfuldaysandnightsinwhichyouneverquibbleorbecomefrustratedandannoyedwitheachother。However，overall，ifyoufeelthatyourpartnerboostsyourselfconfidence，you’llnotonlybemorelikelytowanttospendtimetogether，llalsoregardyourselfmorepositivelyinthetimesthatyou’reapart。
　　Tsnosetnumberofthese11thatwouldindicatewhetheraspecificpartnerhitsaboveorbelowthethresholdfortrulylovingyou。However，withthesesignsasaguide，sstrengthsandweaknessesandfromthere，addresstheareasofweakness。Atthesametime，ifyouwantyourpartnertofeeltrulyloved，askyourselfhonestlyhowyouwouldrateonthese11indicators。Preloved，butthewaysthatyoushowyourlove。