已领丨6ThingsIRefuseToSayToMyTwoY

　　source：JESSICAVALANT
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　　Kidsheareverything。Evenwhentheypretendnottolisten，theyaretakingineverywordandtoneandnuancethatcomesoutofourmouthsasparents。
　　Ihaveatwoyearolddaughter，anditbecomesmoreandmoreobvioustomeeverydayhowmuchsheissoakinguptheworldaroundherlikeasponge。Itistrulymagicaltowatchherlearnandexploreanddevelopasshebecomesmoreindependentinherownlittletoddlerbody。
　　Itisalsoreallyscary，becauseI’verealizedthatI’mahugepartofthatdevelopment。
　　EverythingIsaygetsrepeatedbacktomerightnowinabeautiful，twoyearoldvoice。ItmaybeaphraseIonlysaidinpassing，butsheholdstighttoitandrepeatsitoverandoveragainforpractice。Shemimicsmytone，mypersonality，myexpressions。Sheisformingherownpersonalityandviewsoftheworld，and，whetherIlikeitornot，mywordshaveahugeimpactonwhoshewillbecomeandhowshewillseeherself。
　　HerearethesixthingsIrefusetosaytomytwoyearolddaughter。
　　1。Youwon’tlikethat
　　Idon’twanttodecideformydaughterwhatshewillandwon’tlike。Icanassumeshemayspitoutthatbiteofrawbroccoliorspicycurryshe’saskingfor，butIwanthertomakethedecisiononherown。Thesamegoesforlisteningtonewmusicorreadinganewbook。Toooftenwemakedecisionsforourkids，assumingweknowwhattheirpreferencesare。Unlessit’sasafetyissue，Iwillletmydaughterexploreandtrydifferentthingssoshecandevelopherowntastesandownershipoverherdecisions。
　　2。Yourdaddyforgotto
　　Maybeitwasdaddy’sturntowashherfavoritepajamasorpickupherbelovedcrackersfromthestore，butnothinggoodcomesfrommeputtingblameonmypartnerinfrontofmydaughter。IfthereissomethingmyhusbandandIdisagreeon，I’lltellmydaughter，“DaddyandIwilltalkaboutthatandmakeaplan。”Ourdaughterneedstoknowourhomeandourfamilyareconstantandsafe。WhenItalktomydaughteraboutmommyanddaddy，itisalways“we”。
　　3。Thatmakesmommylookfat
　　AboutsixmonthsagoIwasdoingaquickcheckinthemirrorand，withoutthinking，said，“Mommyhastochangeclothesreallyfast，honey。Thismakesherlookfattoday。”Iwantedtopulleverywordbackinassoonasitleftmylips。Iwillneveragainsayadisparagingwordaboutmybodyinfrontofmydaughter。Oursocietypromisestoinundateherwithplentyofvisionsofwhatshe“should”looklikephysically。Iwanthertoseeamommywholovesherownbody，appreciateswomenofallshapesandsizes，andworksouttobestrongratherthanskinny。
　　4。Actlikeabiggirl
　　Justthismorningmydaughterwascryingandwhiningatthe，andmyhusbandandIsaid，“Honey，dobiggirlscryatthe？Doesmommycryatthe？”Well，Ihave，actually。DoesthatmeanI’mnotabiggirl？IfIdon’tknowwhatbiggirlsdo，thenIshouldn’tbeaskingmydaughtertobeone。Instead，I’llusewordsandexplanationswithhertoexplainwhyIwanthertochangeherbehavior。“Honey，wearedoneeatingbreakfastnow。Thereisnoneedtocry，becausewearen’thavinganymorefood。Let’sgoplaywithourtoys，instead。”
　　Therearedaysthiswillwork，anddaysitwon’t，butatleastshewon’thaveaconfusingimageofsomeother“big”girlshethinksIwanthertobe。
　　5。Youaregrowinguptoofast
　　WhileImayspendmydayswishingIcouldslowdowntheclockandsoakinthistimejustalittlelonger，Iwillnottellmydaughterthat。Sheistooyoungtounderstandthesentimentattachedtothissaying。Instead，shewillsimplythinksheisdoingsomethingwrongandthatIwanthertochange。Timeismovingperfectlyinherworld，andsheisprogressingexactlyassheshould。
　　6。Iloveyoumorethananythingintheworld
　　Iknewmyparentslovedme，butIneverreallyunderstoodhowmuchuntilIhadmyownchild。Ithinkthisisthewayit’smeanttobe。Mydaughterneedstoknowsheisloved，thatsheismypriority，thatIwoulddoanythingtoprotecther，thatIbelieveinher，thatIsupporther，andthatIamalwaysherenomatterwhat。Shedoesn’tneedtothinkshealoneisresponsibleformyhappiness。Shedoesn’tneedtothinkitisherjobtomakemehappy。Insteadofsayingthetruthof“Iloveyoumorethananythingintheworld”，Itellher“Iloveyouthismuch！”andspreadmyarmsaswideastheywillgo。Then，Ihughertightlywhileshegigglesinmyearandasksfor“more，mommy！”
　　ThewordsandcommunicationstylesIusewithmydaughterwillevolveasshechangesandmatures。I’llopenlydiscussbodyimageandeatinghabitswithherwhenshe’sestablishedherconfidenceandloveofherownbody。I’llbeopenwithherifherdadandIdisagree，soshecanseethatadifferenceofopinionhasnobearingonourloveforherorourloveforeachother。IwilllookforwardtothedaysheholdsherownchildandfinallygraspshowmuchIreallyloveher。
　　Untilthen，I’llkeepthesephrasestuckedawayandoutofreachoflittle，hungryears。I’llcontinuetodomybesttonavigatethiscrazyworldofraisingadaughter。And，aftershefallsasleepatnight，I’llhappilywhispertoher，“Iloveyoumorethananythingintheworld。”