已领丨WhyLonelyPeopleStayLonely

　　source：MelissaDahl
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　　Nobodylikesfeelinglonely，andsomerecentresearchsuggeststhattheacheofisolationisn’unwantedsolitudeimpactsphysicalhealth，too。Lonelinessincreasesaperson’sriskofmortalityby26percent，aneffectcomparabletothehealthrisksposedbyobesity，accordingtoastudypublishedthisspring。
　　Andbecauseofthisnewevidenceoftheseriousramificationsofloneliness，someresearchersareinvestigatingwhatitis，exactly，thatmakeslonelypeoplestaylonely。Inparticular，couldsomebehaviorbeattherootoftheirisolation？Onelongheldtheoryhasbeenthatpeoplebecomesociallyisolatedbecauseoftheirpoorsocialskillsand，presumably，astheyspendmoretimealone，thefewskillstheydohavestarttoerodefromlackofuse。Butnewresearchsuggeststhatthisisafundamentalmisunderstandingofthesociallyisolated。Lonelypeopledounderstandsocialskills，andoftenoutperformthenonlonelywhenaskedtodemonstratethatunderstanding。It’sjustthatwhenthey’reinsituationswhentheyneedthoseskillsthemost，theychoke。
　　InapaperrecentlypublishedinthejournalPersonalityandSocialPsychologyBulletin，FMarshallCollegeprofessorMeganL。Knowlesledfourexperimentsthatdemonstratedlonelypeople’stendencytochokewhenundersocialpressure。Inone，Knowlesandherteamtestedthesocialskillsof86undergraduates，showingthem24facesonacomputerscreenandaskingthemtonamethebasichumanemotioneachfacewasdisplaying：anger，fear，happiness，orsadness。Shetoldsomeofthestudentsthatshewastestingtheirsocialskills，andthatpeoplewhofailedatthistasktendedtohavedifficultyformingandmaintainingfriendships。Butsheframedthetestdifferentlyfortherestofthem，describingitasathisisalltheoreticalkindofexercise。
　　Beforetheystartedanyofthat，though，allthestudentscompletedsurveysthatmeasuredhowlonelytheywere。Intheend，thelonelierstudentsdidworsethanthenonlonelystudentsontheemotionreadingtaskbutonlywhentheyweretoldtheywerebeingtestedontheirsocialskills。Whenthelonelyweretoldtheywerejusttakingageneralknowledgetest，theyperformedbetterthanthenonlonely。Previousresearchechoesthesenewresults：Paststudieshavesuggested，forexample，thatthelonelierpeopleare，thebettertheyareataccuratelyreadingfacialexpressionsanddecodingtoneofvoice。Asthetheorygoes，lonelypeoplemaybepayingcloserattentiontoemotionalcuespreciselybecauseoftheirachetobelongsomewhereandforminterpersonalconnections，whichresultsintechnicallysuperiorsocialskills。
　　Butlikeabaseballpitcherwithameancaseoftheyipsoranervoustesttakersittingdownforanexam，beinghyperfocusedonnotscrewingupcanleadtooverthinkingandsecondguessing，which，ofcourse，canendupcausingtheveryscrewupthepersonwassobentonavoiding。It’slargelyamatterofreducingthatperformanceanxiety，inotherwords，andKnowlesandhercolleaguesdidmanagetofindonewaytodothisfortheirlonelystudyparticipants，though，admittedly，itismaybenotexactlyapplicableoutsideofalab。Theresearchersgavetheirvolunteersanenergydrinklikebeverageandtoldthemthatanyjitterstheyfeltwereowingtothecaffeinethey’djustconsumed。（Inactuality，thebeveragecontainednocaffeine，butnomatterthestudyparticipantsbelievedthatitdid。）Theythendidtheemotionreadingtest，justlikeinthefirstexperiment。Comparedtoscoresfromthatfirstexperiment，therewasnodiscernibledifferenceinscoresforthenonlonely，buttheresearchersdidseeimprovementamongthelonelyparticipantsevenwhenthetaskhadbeenframedasasocialskillstest。
　　Itmaybedifficulttotrickyourselfintobelievingyournervesarefromcaffeineandnotthefactthatyoureally，really，reallywanttomakeagoodimpressioninsomesocialsetting，butthereareotherwaystochangeyourownthinkingaboutanxiety。OneofmyrecentfavoritesisfromHarvardBusinessSchool’sAlisonWoodBrooks，whofoundthatwhenshehadpeoplereframetheirnervesasexcitement，theysubsequentlyperformedbetteronsomemildlyterrifyingtask，likesinginginpublic。Attheveryleast，thiscurrentresearchpresentsafairlynewwaytothinkaboutlonelypeople。It’snotthattheyneedtobrushuponthebasicsofsocialskillsthatthey’velikelyalreadygotdown。Instead，lonelypeoplemayneedtofocusmoreongettingoutoftheirownheads，sotheycanactuallyusetheskillsthey’vegottoformfriendshipsandbegintofindawayoutoftheirisolation。